How To Cope With A Breakup And Move Forward

Despite cohabitation being the fastest-growing family unit in the UK, couples who live together are not granted the same statutory rights as their married counterparts. Read more about the difference between cohabitation and marriage/civil partnership.

Living together without being married or being in a civil partnership means you do not have many rights around finances, property, and children.

This makes breakups even more difficult.

Breakups are hard in the best of days. Whether you have left blindsided, betrayed, or even split up amicably due to no-fault divorce (introduced in the UK in April 2022), the process is never easy.

So, how do we navigate the ending of this phase of our life? What are the healthiest and most effective ways to cope? 

Get legal advice

Splitting up can have profound consequences on your finances and living situation. Splittingup.com is an information, advice, and support site that deals exclusively with issues relating to every aspect of relationship breakdown. They can guide you through the fundamentals of family matters by answering some popular questions regarding divorce, financial issues and child disputes.

You are entitled to financial settlement if you have joint assets (like property bought together, joint bank accounts etc)

If you have children together, you are entitled to child support, regardless of your marital status.

In some cases, you can claim “unjust enrichment” if you’ve contributed significantly to his wealth or assets (e.g., paying for renovations, contributing to a business).

Give time for grievance

The ending of a relationship is a form of grief, although your ex hasn’t gone forever, the relationship and the dreams you shared, have. Losing this triggers the grieving process which generally follows a set of phases.

Firstly, you may experience denial: ‘this isn’t happening, it can’t be’ ‘we are meant to be together’ ‘surely this isn’t the end?’. As your acceptance draws closer, you may feel anger at the situation before feeling that you need to bargain your way back into the relationship. When this fails, feelings of deep sadness and depression can set in followed finally by acceptance.

You may not have these feelings in this order, but the process of losing a close relationship will include some or all of these, and knowing this, can help you to be kind to yourself and understand that your responses are normal. 

Trying to rush through the grieving process is not a good idea.

Intellectually, you may be aware of the stages you will have to go through, but emotionally your heart and mind may not have caught up.

Let yourself go through the motions and trust the process. Be patient with yourself and allow for setbacks, sudden feelings of anger and resentment and feel your way through these stages.

Eventually, and this will be a different timeframe for each individual, you will come through the other side with the right support. During this period, try not to compare yourself with others who have been through the same, and allow yourself to form your own path. 

Spend time reinventing yourself

Whether you have been in your relationship for a short time or if you were together with your ex for many years, being involved so closely with another person can have a profound effect on our identity.

Friendship circles, families and interests often become very intertwined.

When these norms change, it can naturally cause you to ask yourself, ‘who am I’?

After you have been through the grieving process, spend some time thinking about you, and what you want in the next era of your life.

Perhaps you used to enjoy painting before you got married, you always wanted to play football, or you enjoyed cooking but your partner’s interests didn’t align and so you did other things together.

Now is the time to pick those hobbies and interests up again. At first, you may feel reticent or even uncomfortable, but if it is something you really enjoy, over time, it will bring you happiness and remind you of the joy that is possible in your future. 

There’s a lot to look forward to after separation, from joys of dating, taking up new hobbies and making new friends.

Take care of yourself

It’s easy to let a situation like divorce prevent you from looking after your own needs, particularly when it comes to taking time out to do things you enjoy, with people whose company you find comfort in.

Go for a walk, or run, meet with friends for coffee or lunch, take up a new recreational activity or read that book you’ve been meaning to read for the last year or so.

Getting divorced may represent the end of one chapter in your life, but it also signifies the beginning of another, so look for new, positive opportunities that may open other doors, and maybe even a new career, who knows? 

Seek support from your circle 

Support from friendships can be hugely valuable during your divorce or separation. Sharing your feelings of anger, confusion or hurt with trusted people allows you to process your emotions. If you do not have close friends, then try reaching out to a family member or find a support group in your community. Speaking with people who have been through a similar experience can help you feel less alone and more understood. 

If you are a single parent, forming connections with fellow lone parents can help you develop a strong support network where you can help each other emotionally and practically.

Conclusion

Experiencing a separation is tough for many different reasons. However, like all tough life experiences, there is an opportunity for personal growth and greater wisdom.

The wisdom that will help you make insightful decisions for yourself in the future.

You will no doubt emerge stronger, more fulfilled, and able to face other challenges knowing you can get through them, as you have done with your divorce.