Life After Divorce: The Hardest Things To Overcome

by Tanya July 10, 2019

Although much is said about handling a divorce, there is less advice available about adjusting to life after a divorce.

During the divorce stages, there are property divisions, child care plans, and financial assets to be split.

Life after divorce begins for many when they have sought a clean break order, you can read more on this via the Wiselaw Clean Break Guide.

Or it could be when they receive their decree absolute.

Whatever the defining time is after divorce, some of the hardest things can follow. 

Embracing the end of an era with a new start 

Facing a new reality is daunting at the best of times when it comes to changing jobs or taking on a new project, for example.

However, divorce is a much more fundamental life-altering event and can come as a huge shock, even if you have known for some time that your life will change.

Although it’s challenging, try to shift your mindset from the ‘end of an era’ to the start of a new one with new ambitions and hobbies to explore. 

Managing the impact on children

Arguably, one of the most challenging areas when it comes to divorce is managing the emotions of any children involved. Unfortunately, it can be easy to expose children to arguments between you and your ex.

Seeing your children hurt is upsetting to you too, on top of trying to manage your own feelings. Your children’s lives will be unsettled to some extent, so it’s important to ensure you prevent any exposure to disputes as this can be damaging long-term.

Ensuring this will give you peace of mind that you are doing the right thing. 

Handling your ex-partner’s new relationship 

If your ex has moved on quickly with another partner, this can be particularly hurtful. You may feel jealous of the relationship or you may feel envious of the lifestyle your former partner now has.

You can take some comfort in that although blissful happiness may seem apparent, chances are, you are the one practising the healthiest form of healing by giving yourself some time alone. If you need to accept your ex’s new partner in your life, do so slowly, and at a pace you are comfortable with. 

Feeling the empty nest 

When our older children leave home, feeling the ‘empty nest’ emotion is normal and to be expected.

When we go through a divorce, we can get that feeling too and this can come as an unwelcome surprise. Whether you had a family or not, the home that you both created has now changed.

Try to create new routines and patterns for yourself that are not synonymous with your old life, and plan activities ahead on those days and times when you know you could be feeling lonely. 

Being able to let go 

Letting go of anything you once had, is extremely tough. Although you may know intellectually this is the right thing to do, sometimes our emotions are one step behind. Letting go signifies no longer seeing a future with your ex and accepting that things are over for good. You will need to be patient with your feelings and give yourself time to go through the full grieving process.


Divorce can be a painful experience, with some of the hardest emotions you may have felt. Remember that these emotions and feelings are temporary and you will get through the other side, with the opportunity to carve out a brand new you and a brand-new and exciting life. 

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